Love

            Erich Fromm and C.S. Lewis go on about the kinds of love people feel. There’s love of a mother and father, lust which we call romantic love, charity, etc. I’m sure this view confuses a much simpler issue. Love is a feeling. This feeling gives pleasure, sometimes great pleasure; on occasion in fact—overwhelmingly welcome—we call it ecstasy. I know that when the tiny baby appears from around the corner in the arms of its father, the mother feels a surge of delicious joy. In the reverse situation, a father would be just as thrilled. I say this feeling is the same as the pleasure the mother felt when her lover would appear at the door, and may still feel every time he reappears.

One can have this feeling for a brother, a friend, or a forest. Inside the body, the juices are released; adrenaline, tranquilizing agents which we know exist, extra blood flow, and the rise of temperature which causes blushing. This surge we have all felt. All of this is the same process whatever might be the stimulant. When it feels this good we call it love. I love the feeling. I just love that I love you so! I love it. I’m in love with you (which probably means—beyond the pleasurable feeling I’ve described—I am obsessed with you, and jealous; neither of which responses is love, though we mistakenly call them, too, love).

So how can we keep on saying that there are kinds of love? I believe what we mean is that there are, after the feeling occurs, various kinds of responses, as a result. Hug the baby and you’ll feel the thrill. Hug your lover and you’ll feel the same thrill. Embrace the forest on the pristine meadow, or watch your friend disembark from the plane after a long absence, and you’ll feel a surge of love. Love is love is love—and it always feels good. Fear is its counterpart. Fear of losing a lover to someone else brings jealousy to a romance. Fear of any kind of loss of a lover leads to anxiety. Jealously and anxiety can make one impatient and testy, then anger comes. Fear of injury of a loved one can make you fearful. Fear of the destruction of the planet itself, an object of your love, can hurt your feelings and make you angry. Angry people hurt others and commit destruction. Some people don’t love, but are obsessed. If you are obsessed with someone, you are not loving. Obsession is stronger than love and overwhelms it. It is also dangerous, because it is the cause of disturbing acts that limit and even destroy life instead of promoting it.

So, when we talk of love, we mean the life-enhancing emotion that feels good. Other emotions that may accompany loving can be destructive. We say they are part of loving. No, they are apart from loving and destructive of it. But they are not mandatory when you love. They too frequently accompany love, so we believe they are part of love. Not necessarily is this so.